Blog Post Seven - “Taming the Beast: Turning Perfectionism into a Powerful Ally”
Meet perfectionism. The beast. So how do I tame the beast, one may ask? A beast so big its furry paws curl and grunt at me. It constantly haunts me, yet despite the fear, I remain hopeful it will soon go away with a close eye. But what if, instead of wishing it away, I turned it into my friend?
Perfectionism can be a formidable foe. I have always lived under its shadow, a victim of its darkness and painful conviction. Its relentless pursuit of flawlessness left me feeling exhausted, inadequate, and perpetually anxious. Yet, out of the blue, I realized perfectionism, when understood and managed, can become a powerful ally, driving us towards excellence and achievement rather than paralyzing us with fear.
So, here I will give you a step by step on how to tame it:
The first step in taming this beast is to recognize it for what it is: a double-edged sword. On one side, perfectionism pushes us to set high standards, strive for improvement, and deliver quality work. With that comes relentless pressure. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, burnout, and an unending cycle of self-criticism– a dangerous underworld to step into. Scary.
The key is to balance these opposing forces.
Once, I learnt that to begin befriending perfectionism, I needed to start by setting realistic goals. This is the second step. It was essential for me to understand that perfection is an ideal, not a necessity that I once yearned for. Through many instances where I felt the need to be better than anyone else and anything else, I realized my job or goal in life is not to be better than everyone else. There was never a need to prove myself to anyone.. So why did I feel the need to? By breaking down large tasks into manageable steps and setting achievable milestones, I realized I was able to maintain high standards without overwhelming myself. For me, this came down to celebrating my day-to-day small victories, fostering a sense of accomplishment and motivation that would keep me going. Not only was it a temporary feeling of instant gratification, but also a long term achievement that would help me forward.
The concept of “good enough”is daunting to talk about, but important to understand. This is step three. Essentially, this doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity but recognizing that excellence is often enough, and there is no need to strive for more. Striving for more can often lead to the opposite, failure after burnout. It’s about understanding that my best effort, given the circumstances, is sufficient. This shift in mindset is not something easy to obtain, but merely just acknowledging it, it can take some pressure off the shoulders. It can alleviate the constant pressure to exceed every expectation and instead focus on steady progress.
Additionally, step four involves self-compassion— which plays a critical role in taming perfectionism. I learned to be kind to myself just as I would be kind to someone else. Would I tell my friend they are not doing enough? No. I would cheer them up and encourage them. So why would I say that to myself? Acknowledging our efforts and understanding that mistakes are part of the learning process is part of this form of acceptance. By treating ourselves with the same patience and understanding we extend to others, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with our perfectionist tendencies.
Feedback is another powerful tool and also step five! Seeking constructive criticism helps us grow and improve without falling into the trap of self-judgment. Talk to your advisor, teacher, friend, parent, or mentor.. Someone you look up to and ask for their opinion. Others’ perspectives on life can help us shift ours. By viewing feedback as a means to enhance our skills rather than a reflection of our worth, we can use it to fuel our personal and professional development. This is gold.
Lastly, it’s vital to recognize when perfectionism becomes detrimental. One can realize that if the pursuit of perfection starts to hinder our productivity, affect our mental health, or damage our relationships, it’s time to reassess the approach. Turn to journaling, to therapy, to praying, or any other way of self expression that releases your authenticity into play. This can always be helpful in reminding you that your effort is enough and you can be satisfied with that.
Perfectionism doesn’t have to be a beast that haunts us. By befriending it, setting realistic goals, embracing “good enough,” practicing self-compassion, and leveraging feedback, I am a witness that one can harness its power to one’s advantage. Instead of a relentless foe, perfectionism can become a driving force that propels us towards excellence while maintaining our well-being and balance. For me, it has improved my work ethic and professional skills to always stay responsible and strive for excellence in anything I do. By learning to tame this beast, I was able to transform it into a trusted companion on my journey to personal and professional fulfillment. I have now made a new friend! Meet perfectionism.
