Blog Post Twenty Three - “The Biggest Lie of All Time”

Phone buzzes.
It’s a text from my ex: (Not even surprised)
“Are you okay? You’re acting like such a b*tch right now!! What’s wrong with you?”

Silence.

And then, of course, I reply with the oldest line in the emotional avoidance playbook:
“I’m fine.”

There it is. Yup. Classic. Clean. Cold. And—let’s be real—completely untrue.

Here’s the thing: I’ve been over this whole “I’m fine” routine for a long time. But somehow, it still slips out like muscle memory. I use it to dodge confrontation, avoid drama, or let someone think I’m unbothered when, in reality, I’m spiraling in three different emotional dimensions.

Let’s call it what it is: “I’m fine” is the social equivalent of hitting snooze on your mental health. It buys you a moment of quiet—but only until your emotions come back louder, more dramatic, and probably with snacks.

We’ve all done it. You’re falling apart inside, but instead of saying “Hey, I’m feeling overwhelmed and need a moment,” you toss out the icy, fake smile and mutter “I’m fine.” Boom. End scene. Cue internal screaming.

It’s not just me. Somewhere along the way, many of us—especially women—have been conditioned to believe that emotional restraint is a sign of strength. That expressing hurt, anger, or disappointment is too much. So instead, we tuck it in, smooth it over, and pretend like nothing's wrong. (Until we snap over someone chewing too loudly. Then it’s over for everyone.)

But here’s the harsh truth: “I’m fine” is a lie. A well-dressed, polite, emotionally repressed lie.

It’s the wall we build when we’re afraid to be seen as dramatic, needy, or difficult. It’s the shield we use to protect ourselves from rejection or judgment. And ironically, it’s the exact thing that keeps people from actually understanding what the f*ck is going on.

Every time I say “I’m fine,” I’m shrinking. I’m bottling. I’m ghosting my own needs. And all that does is create distance—between me and the people who could show up for me if I let them.

So, let’s just say it: I’m not fine. There you go.

I’m tired. I’m confused. I’m stressed. I might be mad at my ex, sad about my job, PMSing, and existentially spiraling because someone said the word “marriage” too casually in a group chat.

And no, I don’t have a 10-step solution (yet). Will therapy help? Probably. Will I start journaling or impulse-buying crystals on Etsy? Honestly, maybe. But the first step is this: I’m done pretending. I am so over it.

Truly, I don’t want to bury it under a fake smile and a passive-aggressive “it’s cool.” Because the truth is, we don’t build real relationships by being “fine.” We build them by being real. So next time someone asks, “Are you okay?” Maybe I’ll pause and tell the truth.

Because being honest is scarier—but also so much stronger.

And if that makes me “too emotional,” then good.
At least I’m not telling the biggest lie of all time anymore.

Over it. And if you relate to this, I applaud you, because those two words are not for the weak.